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Today was....

Alice
Today was long, with a lot of standing on my feet and lots and lots of food. Heavy food. It was also rainy but that's neither here nor there.

I made dinner tonight for the whole family. Ultimately only my sister came with the kid and hubs. My dad sat in of course, he couldn't go anywhere. Mom came late because of something for work. MB and BB had to work. OB is... well, he'll be back in a few days.

Been fighting blues all day. It's been very tough. It kills that I can't will it away. I can't find the solution for it in my head. It's very existence is allowed by thinking too much. Not exactly caused, but the circumstances allow it to happen so easily. And so I've been thinking too much and it's crept in and my natural instinct is to think some more and like scratching your eye when it's irritated, that just made it worse.

But putting together my playlist of Seatbelts and Dead Can Dance and some Tori and Machines and PJ and Mexican traditional ballads to blast while cooking put my mind to something useful. And cooking made things too busy to stop and notice anything other than trying to keep everything moving forward without burning. And people dropping by made me be warm and social. The food was good and there was some lovely wine and I had brownies ready to go and mom came in with an ice cream cake.

And after several hours of cooking and hanging and eating I was horribly full and pretty happy with things. Still aggravated by mom and sis arguing over everything and sis and her hubs squabbling (I almost think it's just how they communicate) and the kid has her own inner voice she listens to and rarely clues us in and dad was silent.... But oh well.

I didn't really want to be this feed all the comers and taking care of everyone type. But I sort of am anyway. I wanted to be more mysterious, sexy. But in the world, I've found, that just means nutty and, as often as not, a giant pain in the ass. I'm learning to like being the reliable one. I like that I can be trusted with a large knife because something tasty will come from it.

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( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
jsadler
Jan. 26th, 2013 03:17 pm (UTC)
I like that I can be trusted with a large knife because something tasty will come from it.

Love that line. Not sure why, but it appealed to me. Lovely.

Sorry your inner squirrels (as some call them) are being too active. HUGS.

Edited at 2013-01-26 03:18 pm (UTC)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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Alice
gotham_bound
The Anti-Social Butterfly

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